If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Terrible idea I love it
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
