I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
