is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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