So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
