There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
