At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Randomize
