Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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