Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
