I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
