we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
