Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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