New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
