definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
