My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
