Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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