I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I currently don't understand fingers.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
