i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
