first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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