Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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