I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
