More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
