I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
