guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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