We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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