Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
