I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
