Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
