Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
