I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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