Umm I'm too high to move.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
