the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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