You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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