I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
