I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Houston, we have a squirter
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
