I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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