you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
