Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
