I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
