Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
