Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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