Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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