i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
