when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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