My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
