i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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