I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
