she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
