Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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