thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
