Christians are straight up FREAKS
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
