The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
