I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Actions speak louder than pants.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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