i jhust puked up my retainher.
I hate all girls vehemently.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
