But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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