What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
